III. Lillian
~”Just count to ten, close your eyes, and run”~
By Samina Ahmed
The night that followed August’s first day at the institution was just like any other night. She would stumble into bed and stare at the ceiling until she eventually felt her eyelids giving in and weighing her eyes down with every second that passed. A few hours fly by and she finally plunged into a deep state of slumber. There was nothing out there that could faze her while she slept. People could enter and leave the room as many times as they wanted and even spark up a conversation for as long as they wanted. You would find August sound asleep in what looked like the most uncomfortable position to sleep in.
It was not until a few hours later in the dead of night, that she finds herself shaking to the bone, with the blanket sprawled over the floor while she whispers the same words to herself. There was no disturbance but her mere self.
August’s night began with a dream of an unforgettable incident that happened a couple of years back.
(The Summer of 2012:)
August was up in her treehouse the moment her whole world began crashing down. She sat on the worn out couch in the corner, listening to her friend aggressively pacing back and forth in the search for her belongings.
August tried her best to block out her friend’s loud footsteps, but there was no use.
“When do you think you will be coming back?” August questioned. She beamed up at Lillian to find her closely examining a black and white striped flannel shirt that was taken out from a small trunk.
“Hey is this yours?” Lillian asked.
Her eyes sparkled. A slow smile left noticeable crinkles at the corner of her shining eyes.
“Yeah, you gave it to me for my…
“Cool.” Lillian shoved the shirt into her duffle bag and continued her search.
“So when are you coming back?” August asked again.
“Mhm?”
“Lillian…”
“What August? I’ll come soon, don’t worry about it.” Lillian replied swiftly.
A heavy silence settled between them, thicker than the restless tension in the atmosphere. August has had enough. She shifted uncomfortably in the couch and tried to gather all her thoughts. Her trembling hands were hidden between her thighs as she let out a nervous sigh.
“You are not really considering this, right?” August stared at her friend in distress. “Hey, it’s okay, let’s just talk it out, come here.” She got up from the couch with clenched sweaty fists and walked towards Lillian.
Lillian didn’t need to hear another footstep to know what August was about to do next. She fiercely turned her back and dropped the duffle bag beside the trunk. August gaped up at Lillian as she stopped her feet from taking another step closer.
August always despised Lillian’s towering stature even though they were the same age. She hated how easily Lillian was able to get things to go her way, without others interfering. She hated how different things had become, especially at that moment.
Lillian’s eyes hardened and gave a glare that was freezing August’s bones, like being nude in the middle of a frightful hailstorm, where every chunk of ice was a frosted dagger plunging into her skin.
“Stop,” Lillian spoke monotonously. She walked past August to pick up pieces of paper scattered in a corner. August’s eyes shifted to the side of her shoulder and became glazed with a glassy layer of tears. She bit the corner of her lip tightly in an attempt to hide any sounds that wanted to escape from her dry mouth. Her heart began to sink.
“Stop? That’s it? That’s all you have to say?” August sluggishly fell back into the couch and rested her head on her hand. She felt like all her words were choked up in her throat, making it impossible for her to say another word. Her voice started to break. “Why are you being so difficult?”
There was another thick silence that rested in the treehouse but it was then broken by Lillian’s snickering at August’s comment. She leaned against the wall opposite August, and let her head fall back. “August, stop crying.”
“I’m not crying.” August used the palm of her hand to rub her eyes as fast as she could until all she could see were blurry stars. Lillian couldn’t help but tilt her head and give August an aching smile.
Lillian never asked for any of this to happen. She never thought she would have to make such an abrupt choice, but at last Lillian thought it was what was best for her. Lillian proceeded to pack the almost full duffle bag with anything laying around in the treehouse at this point, while simply ignoring August’s existence.
“So that’s it, huh? You’re leaving? You’re leaving this place and-
“August…”
“You’re going to be on your own with only that stupid duffle bag and-
“August—“
“I’m going to become a stupid loner at school while you—“
“August…”
“You leave this place. You’re forever leaving me, and—and—you’re—
“…”
“You’re leaving this place just because of your parents’ stupid divorce!”
“AUGUST!” Lillian’s voice became so thunderous, so loud, it had disturbed the peace that dwelled in the vast woods. Her narrowed eyes descended upon August who seemed to be unperturbed by her ear-piercing scream. Her lips slowly parted as if she was ready to give another roaring yell. “You’re so irritating.”
“It’s not the first time someone’s told me that” August replied with a sneer on her face. She dangled her legs against the couch and slowly hummed a tune that she made up. Although it appeared that Lillian’s blood-curdling scream did not bother August one bit, secretly her heart sank even further.
“Look, I’m tired, August okay? I’m tired of laying around here with nothing new to do, tired of looking at the same annoying alarm clock I wake up to everyday, and I’m tired of the same old people. It’s all so frustrating. I need to do something. I mean, aren’t you tired of this place? Just look at us. Look where we are!” Lillian raised her voice.
“Tired? You aren’t tired, you’re just scared. Lil’, you were the one who found this place. You love it here.” Forgetting being heartbroken, August can feel her rage rapidly boiling up inside at Lillian’s sudden confession. With a small laugh escaping from her curled lips, Lillian slid a hand in the back pocket of her trousers and took out a small lighter. She slightly shoved back her cherry hair behind her ear to reveal a cigarette. Once she lit the cigarette, Lillian inhaled leisurely, her system responding to the smoke, and she felt her lungs already being wrapped by a warm, soft blanket. She blew out a puff of smoke and gently tapped the cigarette, ash landing near her shoes. She felt delighted for a few seconds, again paying no heed towards August’s heartfelt words. “This place is our safe haven.”
“Safe haven my ass. Why don’t you just face reality already August? Just grow up and…”
“You’re the one running away from reality! Do you know how pathetic you look right now? This isn’t you!” August interrupted Lillian for the millionth time. August knew she was about to burst out in tears at any moment. Her quivering chin, twitching lips, and shaking shoulders gave it all away. She bit the corner of her lip much harder than before, which will most likely leave a bruise the next day, but she wouldn’t care. Nothing could hurt more than what she was seeing right before her very eyes. August did not know if she was still gazing at the same person she had known ever since they were younger.
Lillian eyed the cigarette for a while until she tossed it out the treehouse’s window. Her eyes drifted to a view of the sky. The yellow ball of fire was already dipping below the horizon, the sky had turned to a clear, purple-tinged grey, and there was not a single cloud in sight. She breathed out a low sigh. “You should get going. It’s going to turn dark soon.”
“I’m not leaving you.” August straightened her back and had a stern expression on her face.
“Why not?”
“Because…”
“August what is it?” Lillian was growing impatient with August. “Don’t tell me you’re afraid?”
“Afraid?”
“The dark? Who knows what’s out there, am I right?” Lillian moved closer to August and whispered creepy sounds.
“Stop!” August cried out. She finally broke down in tears and cupped her face with her hands. Lillian couldn’t help but give another aching smile.
“Who’s pathetic now?” August wouldn’t stop bawling her eyes out. Lillian crouched down until she was at eye level with August. “Hey, look at me.” August uncupped her hands and peered up at Lillian with owl eyes. She stared straight into Lillian’s eyes. Her eyes still sparkled. Their light brown color was so delicate, the exact shade of a latte. A ring of gold hung inside her iris, adding another layer of depth to Lillian’s twinkling eyes. August realized, she had been holding her breath the entire time.
She just wanted things to go back to how they used to be. Just like the times when they would both go over to each other’s houses and gossip the night away. The times when they would get into trouble because of the rush of adrenaline running through their young blood. She desperately wanted to grasp onto Lillian and never let her friend go. She knew their friendship was close to an end. She never wished for any of this to happen. She knew everything was truly falling apart the moment Lillian stopped the silence between them and when their eyes broke contact. “I’ll see you soon, okay? Just count to ten, close your eyes, and run.”
***
August arose from her dream with a keen sound ringing in the center of her head. She ripped the blanket from her body and tried throwing it towards the door. Her frail arm struck the railing along the bed as she attempted to lift herself from bed. Sheets of sweat had engulfed the pillow, the bed sheets and August herself. She looked at the window. It was close to morning. There was a thin line of light that made its way through the blinds, casting a broad glimmer on the floor.
With help from the gleam that protruded into the floor, August scanned the dark room with hazy eyes until her sight had caught something that rested on the bed across the room. She squinted her eyes and leaned a little closer while trying not to fall off the bed. Dread crawled up behind her moist back at the realization of what she had seen.
There was someone in the room with her. The figure’s deep cherry-colored hair flowed past its shoulders. It wore a black and white, checker printed flannel and a grey pair of trousers. A tilt of the figure’s head and a deranged smile drawn across its face left August in a state of terror.
Lillian.
August’s brain had shut down. She was clammy and a speck of sweat slid across her face. Her eyes enlarged as if someone was coming to deliver a deadly blow and the hairs on the nape of her neck bristled. She wanted to scream, but the inside of her mouth lacked any moisture and all she could do was lick her lips. She leaned back and starved for air. Air wouldn’t enter her lungs and her heart raced at a tremendous speed. August blinked furiously at what appeared to be Lillian. Her breathing was unsteady and she felt like she could shatter into a thousand pieces. With parted lips, August whispered the same gloomy words to herself.
“You aren’t real.”
[To Be Continued Next Month!]