By Rainery Montilla
I use you as an example in my life.
Not as a role model, but as an example of what I won’t ever put my children through.
I use you as an example to remind myself what I don’t deserve.
I don’t deserve
To be given hope,
Like two seconds of light while in solitary confinement,
Unaware of when it’ll come
And unaware of when it will go.
Yet at such a young age I realized
That light will go—
Even then, every time it reappears I make myself believe this time it will be different
This time the light will stay—
This time the light will become the sun…
When in reality the light will always be a bulb
on the ceiling
turned on only when wanted
but not when needed.
But see, the difference between the sun and you is that I don’t need you to survive.
I’m living proof, if you think otherwise…
don’t dare say you played a part in my survival.
That one time you shielded me from danger
can’t be compared to the wall I built,
By myself,
to shield me from you.
Because the biggest monster of all is he who pretends to be the sun—
He, who instead of providing energy, strips you of all that is trust and hope.
That’s how I learned the best lesson of all.
Just because you were given the title doesn’t mean you have proven to be worthy of it…
Doesn’t mean you aren’t faking it.