By John Tustin
There was once, and still is, a man who always felt bad. Not that he was a “bad” person, but he always felt guilty. In any other person’s eyes he would be a model citizen, but they didn’t know him. The key to understanding this man was just to get to know him, even if it’s only a little bit. Sounds easy right? It turns out that it is quite difficult. So one can’t help but wonder why it’s so hard to do.
“It’s because he won’t tell you about his life and has trouble opening up to people and being friendly.” Duh, but why is he like that? Maybe that’s being nosy, but what else can I do? After weeks of knowing and frequently seeing this man, I ask him point blank one day: “From what you tell me you are probably the best person I know in terms of your actions and morals. But, you only let me see the surface of your personality and nothing else. I’m gonna have to drop you if you don’t open up. So what will it be?” He waits a couple of seconds, then he firmly says his name, occupation, then tells his entire life story, as well as his dreams. I see the guilt flowing from his eyes and it dissipates in the air. I can see why he didn’t want to open up. I hate this man.
I’m not supposed to hate anyone that approaches me and looks for help. Nor am I supposed to like them. My opinion of this man before was neutral despite my vocal praise of him. I hate him now though. He didn’t lie before, when I was neutral towards him. Now I hate him. The worst part of all this is that I’m scared to ask this man to open up again, or to open up more, because there is a chance that I will question my first choice. I hate that. I hate him.
Being a psychiatrist is hard.