Personal Essay: “Hyperfixation”

     Sometimes I have looping thoughts that I use to put myself to sleep. I think it’s something that comforts me to think about. I find that when I’m in a social situation I dislike I get an acute case of narcolepsy. I used to have super severe insomnia. Maybe I still do, I hate sleep. There are so many things I want to do. I sometimes have people tell me that they like sleeping, that sleeping is the closest that they can get to not existing. I think that those people want to commit suicide. I am nocturnal. I thrive in the night. I like to be alone, most of the time, so I think that’s why I get tired when I’m with other people; it makes me alone, in the same sense that when I get hungry with other people that’s just me wanting to have an objective.
I don’t actually know what hyperfixation means, but when I look at that word it makes me think of things I can’t stop thinking about. Intrusive thoughts, as the TikTok says.